Bulk FictionPosted: November 16, 2014
One other big project I completed earlier this year was a huge-ass, extremely cozy (at times, downright hot) cardigan from a pattern I found on Ravelry, Kyoko Nakayoshi’s Bobble Cardigan. It’s almost incorrect to call it a cardigan, because it’s like wearing a gigantic blanket. It’s a Slanket, no question. But I loved the big shawl collar, and the bobbles were pretty fun to make – oddly enough, I think the bobbles actually took up a decent amount of yarn. I had originally knitted a men’s sweater (the rolled collar pullover from More Last Minute Knitted Gifts, thanks again, Joelle), but it was a bit long for Greg, and frankly hot as balls. I knew Greg would never wear it, so I frogged the whole thing and started over with the same yarn.
And perhaps this is my biggest issue, my obsession with Bulky weight yarn. Why do I like it? Am I a lazy knitter? It does knit up quickly, and I like to make throws and cardigans, but I never really like clothing items (or even hats) made from bulky yarn, because they make me look bulky. It’s not good to take on airplanes (or even to a local watering hole where I like to while away an afternoon in the winter), mistakes are spotted easily and it often fuzzes like crazy. Why do I gravitate towards it?
Alors, because: it looks better in the store. That’s it. I see those smaller, stringier yarns…they look small. Not warm. Skimpy. Spindly. Like things I don’t want to knit. Those bulky yarns…they’re voluptuous. Sumptuous. Supple.
I must avoid this temptation, this sinful approach to yarn that will only result in fat, less wearable projects. I solemnly swear, from now until…my 38th birthday, or something…I will not buy any more bulk yarn. It will not make me happy. It will not make me a better knitter. It will not make me voluptuous, sumptuous, or supple. Lord, or rather, Andrew Luck, give me strength!